


Catch Feelings

by Meloxique



Category: Big Bang (Band), K-pop, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Love Triangles, POV Second Person, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-16 09:31:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16083320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meloxique/pseuds/Meloxique
Summary: Your best friend starts dating G-Dragon and you’re happy for them, but then some feelings creep up on you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are some references to alcohol. Sorry if you don’t drink in real life!

Junko looked beautiful under the pink and yellow lights, her black hair sprayed wet, her eyeshadow dark and smokey, her lips pale. Her dress, your design, slipped over her body like it was made for her. In fact, it was. It was lavender-coloured satin with an embroidered fly where strap met bodice. That was the logo of the label you two had started together, Konchu. It was always somewhere different depending on the article of clothing. 

Ichika snapped her fingers in your face. You blinked.

“Why are you just standing around?” she said with a raised brow. Despite being sisters, she and Junko looked nothing alike. Ichika was taller, paler, with wavy brown hair and chubby cheeks.

“What else is there to do?” you asked, sipping your drink.

“Um, mingle? This is your party.”

Though you had started Konchu in Japan as an online store, it boomed in South Korea and others had encouraged you to open a brick-and-mortar in Seoul. Tonight was somewhat of the launch party.

“Junko’s mingling enough for the both of us.”

Ichika looked back at her sister, who was talking to a few men. She only recognised one of them. “Didn’t she tell you she was inviting him?”

“She did,” you said. “I just didn’t think he’d come.”

The crowd was filled with models, photographers, other up-and-coming designers and all sorts of moderately famous people but G-Dragon was by far the most mainstream celebrity in the room. You weren’t the only one staring at him. Everyone was probably wondering how you had managed to book him. Junko met him on a photo shoot a while back but never mentioned how friendly they were.

“It’s good for you, right?”

You shrugged. “Good for Konchu.”

Ichika downed her drink and beckoned you. “I’m gonna go dance. Care to join?”

You would have said yes had you not spotted Junko making her way over to you with G-Dragon and his friend in tow. 

“And this is my partner in crime,” she said, gesturing to you with a flourish. You glanced at Ichika, who was already twirling onto the dance floor, and gave G-Dragon and his friend a smile.

“Nice to meet you,” you said, shaking their hands.

“Jiyong.”

“Sungbin, but Bin is fine.”

Sungbin was tall and his eyes crinkled when he smiled.

“I was just telling Junko that we’re having a little get-together after the party,” Jiyong said. “It would be really nice if you both came.”

Junko was smiling sweetly at you so you could only nod. “Sure. Sounds good.” They all grinned. “Thanks for coming, by the way.”

Jiyong shook his head. “I was happy to,” he said, his eyes flicking to Junko for a second.

“Well, help yourselves.” You gestured to the caterers in holographic uniforms serving drinks and hors d’oeuvres. “I’m gonna go mingle.”

You felt like an idiot for cutting off the conversation but you really had no idea what to talk about. You usually stuck to Junko during these kinds of things. Now that she was stuck to G-Dragon, you were off to find Ichika again.

Ichika was also wearing a Konchu design, a plaid blazer co-ord with padded shoulders that made her look straight out of the eighties. She was showing it off to a couple of her model friends when you joined her. You spent the rest of the night with them, sampling the food, dancing in a circle and playing around with the photo booth. When they announced their leave, they each took a goodie bag with them and promised to show off its contents on their social media. Your cheeks were still tingling from all the European-style kisses when Junko grabbed your elbow.

“Where’s G-Dragon?” you asked, not finding him in her shadow.

“He left a little while ago. We agreed it was better to arrive separately.” She hooked her arm around yours. “Ready to go?”

You looked behind you. Sure, the party was winding down but the catering staff was still around and there were a couple of loiterers eyeing the mannequins. “Shouldn’t we stay and clean up?”

“That’s what management is for. Come on, Ichika’s already gotten us a cab.”

You hadn’t even noticed her disappear.

Junko loudly said goodbye to the remaining people before tugging you out the door into the cold. Ichika jogged on the spot, bundled in a coat, her breath fogging as she ushered you both into a waiting taxi. Junko read off the address from her phone and you were off, squished between the Akazawa sisters. The lights of Seoul whizzed past.

“Where are we going?” you asked Junko.

“His apartment.”

You frowned. This sounded way more intimate than you expected.

G-Dragon lived, unsurprisingly, in a penthouse apartment. Bin was there to take you guys up. He smiled at you and swiped a keycard G-Dragon must have given him and you watched the numbers above your head climb higher and higher until there was a classy ‘ding’ and the doors opened right into the foyer. There was laughter coming from further inside.

Jiyong emerged, holding a bottle of soju, while you all worked to get your shoes off and find a place for them amidst the sleek shelf pushed up against the wall.

“You made it,” he said.

“If I had known we were coming to your house, I would have brought something,” you said.

He waved a hand. “Totally unnecessary. Come in, I’ll introduce you guys.”

Junko fell into step beside him and Ichika trailed after, leaving you and Bin at the back of the group. Everyone was gathered around the coffee table in the living room, which was almost hidden beneath the amount of snacks, alcohol and playing cards strewn on top. Apart from one other Big Bang member, you didn’t recognise anyone else. A few others were smoking on the balcony. Jiyong introduced you and Ichika and you both made your way around greeting everyone, until you heard him introduce Junko.

“This is my girlfriend.”

Your eyes shot up, meeting Ichika’s first, then Junko’s. You were all as shocked as each other. Some of his friends howled but Jiyong just shook his head, smiling, and shushed them before excusing himself to the kitchen. Junko shrugged at your raised brow and followed him.

“He always does that,” Bin said, handing you a drink.

“Does what?” You sat down beside him on the couch.

“Call them his girlfriend before actually asking them out. It’s kind of his move.” He added air quotes.

You could hear Junko’s laughter from the kitchen.

“Well, it works,” you said.

From then on, while you stayed in Seoul to oversee the store, Junko dragged you and Ichika along every time she went out with G-Dragon so they wouldn’t look suspicious. He brought friends of his own. Usually Bin, probably because he was the most familiar with you. Bin was a freelance tattoo artist and took to showing you his designs, for which you were happy to give feedback. They were all delicate line drawings; unexpected—you had pictured a darker, more gaudy style—but they suited him.

“This one’s cute,” you said, pointing to a tiny sketch of a lemon half.

“Yeah? Let me know if you want it.”

You smiled, flattered. The two of you were off to the side of the shopping centre, messing around on your phones and watching the ice skaters in the open-air rink on the ground level. Jiyong, another friend of his, Junko and Ichika were browsing a store. You wouldn’t have minded going with them but you could tell Bin was getting bored of walking around looking at clothes so you offered to keep him company.

Your group emerged while the two of you giggled at a skater tumbling over.

“Hey,” Junko said, coming to rest on the railing beside you.

“Hey. Having fun?”

She smiled coyly and nodded. “Ji and the others are gonna get us something to drink. Can you come check out this store with me?”

“Sure.” You pushed off the railing, waving to Bin over your shoulder before following Junko and Ichika to the sneaker shop. People’s eyes lingered as you walked past. This was normal in Tokyo—the Akazawas were tall, slim, stylish and getting up there in the fashion world—but new in Seoul. You caught up to Junko while she admired a shoe and asked, “What kind of fans does Jiyong have?”

“What do you mean?” she said.

“I’ve heard K-Pop fans can get pretty possessive when their favourite idols start dating.”

Junko put the shoe back on the shelf and turned to smile at you. “If you’re worried, you shouldn’t be.”

“I just don’t want you reading mean comments and thinking you’re not good enough for him or something. This whole toxic mindset has to do with the entire industry here. Don’t let it affect you personally.”

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Relax. You know I’m not like that. Ichika, come here. Aren’t these super cute?”

Junko and Jiyong enjoyed a few more weeks together before Junko had to fly back to Tokyo for an audition. Ichika went with her and you would have followed but they both seemed to think you thrived in Seoul. You had to admit that the difference in street style here was giving you all sorts of ideas for your next collection, so you agreed to stay for another month or two. You expected it to be the last time you would hear from G-Dragon in a while but, to your surprise, he texted you a week later, inviting you out to dinner with him and Bin at a barbecue place.

‘I’m here,’ you texted.

‘Upstairs.’

You looked around furtively and murmured to one of the wait staff that you were with Kwon Jiyong. She showed you upstairs to a much quieter room.

“Hey,” Bin said, standing up. 

You smiled at him. “It’s cold out, huh?” You shivered before depositing your coat on an empty chair. Bin pulled out the seat next to him so you settled in opposite Jiyong, the warmth of the stovetop fanning your cheeks. Bin jumped back right into their previous conversation after exchanging pleasantries, which you were thankful for. You had no idea what to talk about with Jiyong. You could only update him on how Junko’s audition went, though she hadn’t heard back yet. He at least made recommendations on what to order when the waiter came by.

Bin, being the youngest by an inch, did all the grilling and as you stuffed your face, played drinking games and traded funny stories, you were surprised by how much fun you were having. After the food was winding down to its last morsels, Bin excused himself to the bathroom, his face flushed. You hadn’t realised his arm had been on the back of your chair until he took it off.

Jiyong watched him leave before looking at you. “Thanks for coming,” he said.

You shook your head. “It’s nice of you to invite me.”

“I didn’t want you to feel like you had no friends in Seoul.”

You smiled at him. “Thanks. That’s kind of you.”

“I know we didn’t actually get to talk to each other all that much,” he said.

“Well, you and June are in the honeymoon stage.”

He laughed. “Actually, I do have an ulterior motive tonight.” He glanced at the door. “Bin would never say it himself …”

“Oh,” you laughed shyly, “if you mean what I think you mean, I was going to ask him out tonight, actually.”

Jiyong blinked. “Really?” You nodded, brow raised. “Sorry, that’s great, I just didn’t expect you to be so direct.”

You shrugged. “I’m usually not that shy about these kinds of things.”

“That’s good. Bin needs someone like that.”

When Bin came back, you got into the topic of how the two of them met. Unsurprisingly, Bin had given Jiyong a few tattoos and a friendship had formed. You told them how you and Junko had started off as neighbours before becoming friends. This was years ago, when you weren’t as well off and were staying in a cramped building on the outskirts of Tokyo, scrabbling for work. You were still neighbours but in a much better area now.

You talked until well into the night. Bin hailed you a cab while you said goodbye to Jiyong, who then watched on with a little smile on his face as you asked Bin out on a date. You had never seen a man blush so red before.

You and Bin texted back and forth over the next few days but you didn’t reach out to Jiyong, or even think about him really, until Junko called you. 

“Have you read the news lately?” she asked.

“I mean, it’s on when I have breakfast but …”

She laughed. “I’m talking about the tabloids, silly.”

“You know I don’t pay much attention to those.”

“Well, then you’ll be surprised to know that you’ve been the subject of them.”

You frowned. “Come again?”

“Someone took your photo when you went out with Ji.”

You did a quick search of ‘G-Dragon’ on your phone. Indeed, there were a few articles discussing a blurry picture of you and Jiyong saying goodbye outside of the restaurant. He’d looped an arm around you while asking you to keep in touch, almost perfunctory, but to a stranger you could see how it might look intimate.

“June,” you said, “nothing happened.”

“Of course I know that.” She sounded almost offended. “I just wanted to check in on you. Don’t go down a rabbit’s hole reading the comments.” She had clearly done that for you.

“I’ve already forgotten about it.”

“Honestly, this takes the heat off me so thank you.”

“I am forever at your service,” you chuckled.

By the time you decided to return to Tokyo, you and Bin had started a fledgling relationship. He dropped you off at the airport with a kiss that you kept replaying in your mind during the flight. Somehow, Ichika noticed when she picked you up at Narita.

“What’s got you glowing?” she asked slyly.

“I’m not glowing.”

“It’s cute of you to think Jiyong hasn’t told Junko who hasn’t told me about you and Sungbin.”

You gave her a flat look. “We’re still new. Drop it.”

She raised her arms in surrender. “I’m happy for you!” 

You put up with her teasing all the way home. Junko made you dinner because your apartment was void of groceries and you endured another bout of teasing.

“I give it—” she tapped a finger against her chin in thought—“a year?”

“That’s generous of you,” you noted. She never predicted more than six months. Most of the time, she was right.

“I have a good feeling about Bin,” she said.

You smiled slightly. “So do I.”

You settled back into your old routine in Tokyo until the weeks started to lead to Junko’s birthday and you decided to text Jiyong. You and Jiyong had kept sporadic contact, though you got most of your information about him from Junko and Bin. 

‘June’s birthday is coming up,’ you messaged.

‘I know.’

‘What are you getting her?’

‘I don’t know.’

You snorted. ‘Why don’t you fly over here and surprise her?’

You went about making yourself some dinner as you texted. Thankfully, it was warm enough now that you could open a window to let in some air while you cooked.

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. She’d be so happy.’

Junko had never been in a long distance relationship before. You didn’t think she would ever be in one; she was a clingy girlfriend.

‘Should I bring Bin?’

You sent him an unamused emoji. He sent a wink back.

Jiyong flew in the weekend before Junko’s birthday. He emerged from the departure gate in a bucket hat, sunglasses, surgical mask and oversized hoodie, at which you rolled your eyes. 

“You know,” you said, as he came to a stop in front of you, “if I can recognise you, your fans definitely will.”

“That’s why I booked a red eye.”

“Lucky me,” you muttered. You swivelled around, making a beeline for the carpark. You clearly loved Junko a lot if you were willing to pick up her stupid boyfriend from the airport before sunrise.

Jiyong smirked as he put his suitcase in the boot of your car. “Junko warned me you’d be grumpy in the morning.”

“I’m not grumpy.” You frowned, which only made him smile wider.

Junko was busy all day—she had a meeting with her agency and then a long appointment at the dermatologist to prepare for an event next week—so you let Jiyong deposit his luggage in her apartment using the spare key she had given you and then invited him to hang out at yours. Tonight, you would meet Junko and Ichika at the restaurant you had booked for dinner. Maybe you would make him hide under the table and shout ‘Surprise!’

“What about her parents?” Jiyong asked.

“You can relax,” you said. “They live in Kobe. You won’t be meeting them this time around.”

“I’m relaxed,” he said. “I’m great with parents.”

“I don’t doubt it.” G-Dragon was very charming on TV.

“Nice place,” he said, snooping around. He had shed his disguise and was now rifling through the knickknacks on your shelf.

“You should have seen it before I furnished it.”

“You did a great job.” He gingerly picked up a BE@RBRICK you used as a bookend. “Seunghyun loves these.”

“TOP, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

“I remember. It was in one of your videos, wasn’t it?”

There was a glint in Jiyong’s eye. “Are you a fan?”

You furrowed your brow at him and proceeded to pour yourself a glass of water.

“A little birdie told me,” he mused, inching closer, “your favourite member of Big Bang is me.”

Damn it, Junko.

“You should really get new sources. My favourite is Daesung.”

He pursed his lips. You could tell he was surprised even though he was still trying to decide whether or not you were telling the truth. Then he seemed to remember something and nodded in understanding. “Daesung _is_ quite popular here. Want me to introduce you? You’d probably get along.”

You rolled your eyes and forced him to drink some water so he would shut up.

Dinner went as planned. As payback for bothering you all day, you made Jiyong duck under the cramped table while you coordinated Junko’s arrival with Ichika over the phone. You were seated somewhere more private so, when Junko screamed after spotting him, it didn’t attract too much attention from the other patrons. Afterwards, Jiyong retired to Junko’s apartment, with Junko making you promise to tell her parents he was staying at a hotel in case they asked.

For a week, the two lovebirds stuck together. You would hear their laughter as they walked past your door towards the elevator morning and night. Sometimes they would pop in to say hi or invite you over for a drink but you figured it was best if you left them to their own devices. You didn’t always like Junko’s boyfriends but you liked Jiyong. He tied her shoelaces for her, swept her hair behind her ear if it got in the way while she was eating. It seemed almost natural to him, like he didn’t think anything of it. You wanted to give them as much time alone together as possible. You were surprised, then, to bump into Jiyong by himself on your way back from having dinner with some friends. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, ducking his head, not realising it was you.

“You’re leaving?”

His eyes shot up to blink at you. “Oh, hey. I was just gonna take a walk. Needed the fresh air.”

“Did something happen?” you asked, placing a hand on his arm and moving to the side so you weren’t blocking the entrance. He made a noncommittal noise you took to mean he and Junko had fought. You patted his shoulder. “Come on. I’ll take you to my secret hiding place.”

He raised an eyebrow but didn’t argue when you tugged him out of the building. Your secret hiding place was a tiny little izakaya in a narrow back alley. It could only hold six or so people at a time but there was always a place for you; you had been frequenting it for years. The owner, a stocky woman named Mari, yelled in delight when you popped your head through the curtains.

“Where did you go?” she shouted. “I haven’t heard from you in months!” She ushered you and Jiyong into two barstools on the end. “Who is your friend?”

You chuckled. “This is Ji. He’s visiting from Seoul.”

“I was beginning to think you didn’t have friends,” Ryo, the bartender, said. You poked your tongue out. “What’ll you have?” he asked Jiyong, already working on making your usual.

“Uh, a highball, please.”

Mari monopolised your attention for the next few minutes, wanting to hear all about the new store and what Seoul was like and if you were working on any new designs. She assumed Jiyong was your boyfriend, which embarrassed you more than you expected it to. You just shook your head. The less you said, the less you could be quoted in the media.

“You’ve never brought Junko here?” Jiyong said when Mari finally left to talk to someone else.

“Sometimes it seems like we share everything,” you said. “I just wanted this one thing for myself.”

“You’ve never brought anyone here. Why me?”

You turned to look at him as you sipped your drink. “Do you really have to ask?” He only continued to stare in confusion. “You needed it, Jiyong. One thing just for yourself.”

He looked back and forth between your eyes, trying to think of what to say, but you only patted him on the knee and turned back around to finish off your drink. “Of course, seeing as I know this place too, we will now have to coordinate shared custody for alone time here.”

He laughed. “Thanks.”

A plate of tamagoyaki was set down between you on the bench.

“On the house,” Ryo said.

“No,” you said.

He fixed you with a look and went to attend another customer.

“How did you find out about this place?” Jiyong asked.

“Honestly? I don’t remember.” You grinned at him. “I’ve been coming here since I was old enough to drink. I can’t believe I was able to keep it a secret for this long.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

“It better be.”

He fiddled with the wet coaster under his drink. “So, how are things going with Bin?”

You were lucky Mari and Ryo hadn’t heard that or you would have been bombarded with questions. 

“We video chat a lot but it’s not the same, you know? I’m thinking things will pick up when—” You stopped.

“What?” Jiyong said, blinking.

You ate some food to give yourself time to formulate a response. “Don’t tell June,” you said slowly, “but I’m thinking of moving to Seoul.”

“What! Really?”

You shushed him. “It’s not set in stone.” And it felt particularly hard to say it in the place you had been coming to for refuge since you were a teenager. “And it probably won’t be forever. I just really enjoyed my time there. I think it could help my work. Plus, now I’ve got Bin …”

“Sounds like you’ve already made up your mind,” he said. He was smiling slightly when you glanced at him. You gave him a little smile back. “If you need help finding a place, let me know.”

“Thanks.” 

“Junko will be happy for you.”

“You think?”

“Yeah.” He nudged you with his shoulder, sly. “So you and Bin _are_ going well.”

You rolled your eyes. “You’re pretty brave to tease me all the time when Bin tells me all your secret moves.”

“What secret moves?” he said. You eyed him. He eyed you. His gaze narrowed, then he shook his head. “That’s just not right.”

“There’s more G-Dragon in you than you think, Kwon Jiyong,” you said quietly, pulling from a fresh glass you hadn’t even noticed Ryo bringing over.

It was Jiyong’s turn to roll his eyes. “You make it seem like I’m some player.”

“You aren’t?”

“According to June, you’re the one who asks guys out willy-nilly.”

You snorted. “I don’t ask them out ‘willy-nilly.’ I ask them out because I like them. I’ve been rejected a bunch, too.”

“So have I!”

“Sure,” you said sceptically.

“I once had a crush on a girl for two years. She rejected me three times.” He seemed almost proud when he saw you raise a shocked eyebrow. “I waited outside her house with flowers, in the rain, for five hours. Turns out she gave me a fake address.”

“No way,” you scoffed, turning back to pick at your food with your chopsticks.

“You don’t believe me?”

You gestured flippantly at the length of his body. “Who would do that to _you_? You’re, like, the perfect boyfriend. Anyone would fall for you eventually.”

He didn’t say anything in reply, just watched you busy yourself with the food in front of you so you didn’t have to look at him. The alcohol had definitely gotten to you.

Despite your protests, and Mari’s, Jiyong paid for the night and the two of you walked home with the breeze pushing at your backs. The silence wasn’t so bad when you were outside. In fact, it was nice. You almost forgot who you were and who you were with. He gave you a soft smile when you disappeared inside your apartment. At least he had forgotten all about his fight.

Bin came to visit over the holidays and Jiyong took Junko to Hawaii. You showed Bin all the lesser-known attractions of Tokyo and even spent a few days in Kyoto, staying in a traditional ryokan and just taking the time to wind down and enjoy each other’s company. When Junko returned, you broke the news about moving to Seoul. She was surprised but supportive and suggested Ichika move into your apartment in the mean time so you wouldn’t have to give it up completely. Ichika had been dying to get away from her current roommate anyway.

Bin helped you the most with the transition. Junko would mention things Jiyong recommended but you never texted him directly for help. You found a modest place near your store and shipped your things, though you left most of your furniture for Ichika. You left once the vacation period ended and everyone went back to work. Junko and Ichika had a hard time letting you go at the airport. Them crying made you cry, which made you all laugh because you were going to move back in a few years and Seoul was so close that they could visit any time they wanted anyway.

Bin brought Jiyong with him when he picked you up in Seoul. They came bearing housewarming gifts of toilet paper and laundry detergent, which made you laugh, and an expensive bottle of wine Jiyong said had been recommended by TOP. For Jiyong’s sake, Bin kept his hello to a big hug and a peck on the lips before snatching your suitcase off you and marching ahead towards his car. Dazed, you watched him go.

Jiyong chuckled. “He’s pretty excited you’re here.”

“No kidding.” The two of you shared a small smile.

“It’s really nice to see you again,” he said.

“Same here.”

Even though you loved Seoul, it took some time for you to find your rhythm and feel at home. Bin tagged along when you went to IKEA—you would have been more productive without him but you didn’t mind—and spent a lot of time at Konchu, getting to know the team. Jiyong did end up introducing you to Daesung. You hung out with them and Taeyang, whom you had met briefly that first night after the Konchu launch party, at Jiyong’s house outside the city limits, which was when you learned that Jiyong only used his Seoul apartment for nights he needed to be in the city. That had been a hilarious night because you loved Daesung’s sense of humour and could really riff off him, mainly in the form of making fun of each other, to make Jiyong and Youngbae laugh. He still didn’t know that Daesung wasn’t actually your favourite Big Bang member.

Ichika flew over for a weekend once you had settled in but Junko started getting more and more work so you hardly heard from her unless you reached out first. You remembered you weren’t the only one she was losing touch with so, when Jiyong’s schedule cleared up, you invited him over for dinner to make sure he wasn’t getting lonely. Bin had your spare key, which granted access to the underground resident car park and the floor of your apartment, so you asked him to pass it to Jiyong so that he could slip in without his flashy car drawing too much attention.

He knocked on your door while you were in the middle of cooking. 

“Hey,” you chirped, “come in.”

He looked alarmed. You were about to ask him what was wrong when he touched your cheek. “Are you crying?”

You blinked, then swatted his hand away with a laugh. “I was cutting onions, you dork,” you said.

“Oh,” he sighed in relief, smiling. “You scared me.”

You grinned and let him inside. “Make yourself at home; I’m just finishing up. Want something to drink?”

“I can get it,” he said, draping his jacket over the back of your couch before following you into the kitchen. He plucked a bottle of beer from the fridge and peered at the stove top as he sipped. “What’s for dinner?”

“Yakisoba,” you said sheepishly. “I was craving it.”

“Sounds good,” he said with a smile.

He loitered around, distracting you while you cooked until you shoved him out of the kitchen. He would have helped but you knew he wasn’t a very good cook. He resorted, as usual, to snooping through your things and found your sketchbook open on the dinner table, showcasing some of the designs you were working on. You found him flipping the pages when you came out to announce that dinner was ready.

He looked up. “These are really good.”

“Oh, thanks. Help me set the table, would you? You can just shove that to the side.”

“You know,” he said as you passed him some bowls and cutlery, “you should really meet my sister. I told you she has her own clothing store too, right?”

“You’ve mentioned it before, yeah.”

“She mostly sells other brands but she has her own label as well. You could help each other out.”

You shrugged. “I don’t want to take advantage.”

“I’ll give you her number,” he said, ignoring you.

You rolled your eyes but were touched he was still looking out for you. “You’re a good friend, Ji,” you said.

He didn’t always eat the best when he was at home by himself so you forced the leftovers onto him before he left. Junko stayed busy and Jiyong began preparing for a new album but they found a routine. June learned to work around her schedule and got back into the habit of calling you, usually while you were doing chores and she was stuck in a chair getting her hair and makeup done. She had been cast in an upcoming indie film so you flew over for a few days to visit her on set, bringing Bin with you. You invited Jiyong as well but he took a rain check, not wanting to interrupt his creative flow.

When you came back, he asked you to drop by his house to listen to a song he was working on. You felt honoured he would want your opinion but figured he was also getting restless. He didn’t seem to be talking to anyone. Not even Bin, though Bin assured you he was always like this when he was inspired. There was a bit of traffic so the drive took an hour. You parked a little way’s away and texted as you walked up so that the door was already open when you arrived, Jiyong waiting. You grinned at him. He didn’t look as bad as you feared. For some reason, you had pictured him wasting away, with dark circles and dishevelled hair, but he looked like he was eating well and there was a sparkle to his eye as he invited you in.

“Have you had lunch?” he asked.

“Not yet. Want to order something?”

“Yeah, sure.”

You shuffled into the kitchen for a drink. “What is this?” You nodded to a pitcher of something cream-coloured in his fridge.

“Some wheat drink my mum makes. She says it’s good for you but it tastes like ass.” He shuddered.

“I’m trying some,” you laughed. You poured a little at first and took a sip but you ended up enjoying it enough to have a full glass. “It’s not bad!”

Jiyong stared at you weirdly. “You can have it all.”

“Maybe I will. Someone needs to appreciate your mother.”

He gave you a flat look.

You spent an hour just catching each other up on your lives before Jiyong took you downstairs to his studio. Notebooks were scattered on his desk, as well as a bowl of what could have been soup that he must have had for breakfast, and his laptop was open on a menswear magazine article. He pulled up a chair next to his own for you.

“I have a few songs you could listen to,” he said, scrolling through some files. “I’m still working out the kinks in this one.” He pressed play.

You weren’t a stranger to Jiyong’s music. You listened to Big Bang as well as his solo albums and, with any artist, there were songs you liked and songs you didn’t. The song currently playing fell into the latter category. Jiyong could see it on your face when it came to an end.

“You don’t like it.”

“Not really,” you admitted. He seemed taken aback by how blunt you were being but nodded, disappointed. “Don’t take it personally!” you said, throwing your arm around his shoulders. You figured he would be used to less than ideal feedback by now. “It’s not a reflection on you and it’s still amazing that you’re brave and passionate enough to constantly share all of this with the world.”

“I’m not taking it personally,” he chuckled. “What about this one?”

Another song started playing, sweeter and softer than the first, with a melancholic yet hopeful acoustic opening. The lyrics were, unsurprisingly, romantic and you were reminded of how smooth G-Dragon was but also how observant and wistful, how he covered his face when he was embarrassed and pressed cold cans of beer to his cheeks when he blushed.

You didn’t realise the song had ended until Jiyong ducked his head to catch your gaze. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” he asked softly.

“It was beautiful.” You smiled at him. “Is it about June?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s about you, actually.”

“Sorry?” You blinked.

“I’ve just always thought the way you look at Sungbin is so … pure. I don’t know. Heartwarming. I can tell you really like him.”

“Oh,” you said, surprised. “I never realised.”

“Well, you wouldn’t.”

There was a moment of silence, then you laughed a bit. “I really don’t know what to say. No one’s ever done this kind of thing for me before. Or, I guess not for me, about me.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you like it.”

You didn’t see Jiyong for a while after that. You and Bin spent a few weeks in limbo, feeling like something had changed between you but unsure what it was. Ultimately, you decided the relationship had just run its course. The two of you parted on good terms, happy to stay friends, and you decided to go back to Tokyo to spend some time with your best friends. Junko was able to bring you as her date to a premiere, both of you decked out in Konchu, so you got a few interviewers asking about it and hoped that would drive up sales and interest in your work. Ichika had her model friends take you out to some trendy new bar. You almost made out with someone that night but you didn’t want to disrespect Bin like that so soon after the break up.

A lot of work opportunities were waiting for you when you got back to Seoul, so much so that it was a while before you had time to catch up with Jiyong. When you were finally able to put your schedules together, you agreed to meet for coffee at a café one of his friends owned.

Jiyong was in a window seat, not in his usual disguise but wearing a plain enough outfit so no one would look twice at him. He stood up when you arrived, pulling you into a tight hug. “I haven’t seen you in ages,” he said as he helped you into your chair.

“I know, I’m sorry. Work’s been crazy.”

“That’s good though. You’re growing.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “Have you ordered yet?”

He shook his head. “I was waiting for you.”

“Well, what’s good here?” you asked, opening the menu.

“I always get the chocolate waffle.”

“Hm, do you mind if we share? I’m not that hungry.”

“Sure.”

Jiyong’s friend came over to take your order. Dressed in a crisp white button down and dark skinny jeans, he was exactly the kind of person you would expect to own a chic coffee shop. Jiyong introduced you and you spent a few minutes chatting before he left you to it.

“How’s the album coming along?” you asked.

“Slow. I’ve kind of lost some steam.”

“That’s only natural with the way you push yourself.”

“You have to push through writer’s block.”

“But you should also take a break so that you can come back to your work with fresh eyes.”

He squinted at you playfully but dropped the matter. “My sister told me you called her up,” he said instead.

“Well, you gave me her number. It’d be rude not to.”

“Good.” He nodded. “She likes you.”

“I like her too,” you said, flattered.

The two of you continued to fill each other in on what had happened since the last time you saw each other, falling into a familiar groove. In that moment, you felt so lucky that you were able to get along with Junko’s boyfriend and you knew that if they ever got married, he would be a welcomed addition to the Akazawa family.

You ended up eating most of Jiyong’s waffle. You could tell he wanted to tease you about it but then his eyes snagged on something out the window that made him frown. You blinked when he pushed his chair back and stormed out of the café without a word. Twisting, you watched him through the glass. Your stomach dropped when you saw he had caught Bin joking around with a girl. It was obvious they were on a date, though they weren’t holding hands or anything. Bin looked surprised to see his friend marching up; his date even more so, probably questioning whether she was truly seeing G-Dragon. Jiyong yelled something at Bin, who held up placating hands and tried to get a word in to explain. They all turned to look at you. Not knowing what else to do, you waved awkwardly. You would have gone over but you didn’t really want to intrude. Even if it had been a mutual break up, it was weird seeing Bin with someone else. Luckily, Jiyong was coming back. Bin gave you one last look before ushering his girlfriend away.

“You and Sungbin broke up?” Jiyong said, returning to the table. He sounded slightly out of breath.

“Um, yeah, like, two months ago,” you said slowly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

You were a little alarmed at just how hurt he sounded. “I thought Bin would have. Or June.” He merely shrugged. You reached out to place your hand over his on the table. “Hey, I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how to bring it up.”

“Just tell me,” he said. “I’m your friend, aren’t I? I almost beat Bin up; I thought he was cheating on you.”

You burst out laughing. “I’m grateful you were willing to defend my honour.”

He let out a huff, smiling, and flipped his hand over to hold yours. “Any time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of an abrupt end, sorry! I’ll post the next part soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Junko and Jiyong lasted another two years. By the end of it, Jiyong had given up. He stopped putting in the effort, stopped calling, texting, made excuses instead. It was so disappointing and unlike him that, for the first time ever, you actually yelled at him. For some reason, he was trying to get Junko to break up with him first so you told him not to disrespect her like that and tell her how his feelings had changed. Junko had seen it coming and threw herself into work. Jiyong threw himself into nightclubs. You had gone with him the first few times to keep an eye on him but, after bickering with Seungri one too many times, you gave up. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Seungri. You just didn’t get along. He was kind of like a little brother—annoying but, if he called you up for a favour, you probably wouldn’t refuse him. 

“You never come out anymore,” Jiyong whined into the phone. It wasn’t even midnight and he was already hammered.

“You have Seungri,” you said. He was on speaker while you worked on some designs.

“Seungri just flirts with girls and tries to make friends with the tourists.”

You snorted. “Sounds about right.”

“Please come,” he murmured, “please.”

You put down your pencil and stared at your phone, trying to imagine him. The music and laughter was faint in the background, but not echoey, which meant he was most likely up in a private room. The image of him sitting in the dark, begging you on the phone while his friends were on the dance floor made your heart squeeze. “Jiyong …”

“Please?”

You sighed. “Okay. All right. I’ll be there.”

“You’re the best,” he said, elated. “I love you.”

“Just let the bouncer know, all right?”

You hung up and went to change out of your pyjamas. Seungri didn’t care as much about being photographed in public so he had taken Jiyong to a popular club. You bypassed the line outside, feeling awkward as everyone watched you walk past them, and told the bouncer your name. He glanced at his list and let you in. You didn’t know what you would have done if Jiyong forgot. As much as you loved him, you didn’t think you were willing to wait by yourself for over an hour in a line filled with already tipsy party girls to fuckboys to everything in between. 

As soon as the door closed behind you, you were hit with the bass of the music. Your eardrums shook as you pushed past the grinding bodies, trying to find where the private section was. Everything smelled of alcohol and sweat and body spray. You were dizzy when you sprang from the crowd and climbed the stairwell to the rooms for hire, but Jiyong wasn’t there.

Seungri spotted you and let you through before you had to talk to the guard by the rope. “What are you doing here?” he said. “Want a drink?”

You shook your head. “Jiyong called me. Where is he?”

“I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“Seungri,” you scolded. “I told you to look after him.”

“He’s a big boy.”

“He just went through a break up!”

“He seemed harmless before! All he wanted to do was sit here and drink and wallow so I left him. How would I know he would disappear? He’s probably in the bathroom or something.”

You rolled your eyes. There were a couple of people chatting on the lounge. You noticed the spot Seungri had vacated was flanked by two women. “Get back to whatever you were doing. I’ll take care of it.” You gave him a hug even though you were still annoyed with him and headed towards the bathrooms. 

The men at the urinals jumped when you flung the door open and stared as you went about looking underneath all the stalls you could for any sign of Jiyong’s shoes. Finally, you came across a pair of limited edition sneakers. You knocked. “Ji?” you said softly. “It’s me.” The latch clicked. Jiyong glanced up at you as you pushed open the door, tears glistening on his cheeks. “Oh, Ji,” you sighed, deflating. He was sitting on the toilet, hunched over his knees, and looked way worse than he’d sounded on the phone an hour ago. “What happened?” You tried to pull him to his feet but he stumbled and fell on the floor, curled against the wall. “Jiyong, get up.”

“Why can’t I ever get it right?” he whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t think it would be like this.”

You crouched down to push his hair out of his eyes and wipe his tears away. “Please get up. We can talk about this outside.”

“You actually came,” he said, as if he had only now realised you were before him. 

“Of course I did.”

“Thanks for putting up with me,” he mumbled. “You know I love you, right?”

“I love you too. Now come on.”

You draped his arm around your neck and hauled him up, bearing most of his weight as you led him out of the bathroom, ignoring the stares and the phones. You didn’t see Seungri on your way to the back exit so you made a mental note to text him once you dropped Jiyong off. You had never been more grateful for the spare key to his apartment he’d given you after a similar night like this, minus the crying.

While the back exit didn’t have the queue of people, you knew at least one of the cars parked by the curb belonged to a journalist waiting for a slice of Big Bang, especially if Seungri had posted something online. Any other night, they would only be getting photos of the boys jumping into their manager’s van. Tonight, they had hit the jackpot.

“For once, I just want it to last.”

“It didn’t work out this time, Ji,” you said, supporting his back so he didn’t look as drunk as he was, “but that doesn’t mean it’ll be the same next time.”

“It’s always the same.”

“It’s harder because you’re G-Dragon and it’s unfair and it shouldn’t be like this, but the person you end up with won’t care about that. They’ll be amazing and it’ll be forever, I promise.”

Jiyong stopped and pulled away from you. “You can’t promise that.”

“I just did.” You tried to tug him towards your car but he wouldn’t budge.

“You don’t know …”

“I do.”

He narrowed his eyes, sizing you up, trying to see if you were lying to him. You stared back, hating that his one passion in life had such power over him that it made him both euphoric and miserable, made him think it was solely his fault his relationships never lasted. 

You jumped when he kissed you, his hands grabbing your face. The smell of vodka shot through you.

“Ji!” you gasped, pushing his chest.

He stepped back and looked at you, wide-eyed. “Sorry,” he said dazedly. He scrubbed at his sweaty hair. “I’m sorry.” He took off running. You were too shocked to call after him.

You locked yourself in your car, replaying the night’s events over and over in your head before finally gathering the nerve to call him. You didn’t know where he was, how he planned to get home. He didn’t answer any of your calls but replied to your text asking him to let you know if he was okay.

‘Home. Sorry.’

You didn’t sleep at all that night.

The next day, you called Junko. Things were quiet online but you knew outlets were just consolidating the evidence, trying to find an angle, reaching out to YG Entertainment and other sources for a comment. It was only a matter of time before all hell broke loose and you wanted Junko to hear it from you first.

“Jiyong kissed me last night.”

There was a pause. “What?”

“I don’t know.” You massaged your forehead, leaning against the kitchen counter while you waited for your toast. “He was drunk and sad.”

“He’s always liked you.”

You froze. “What do you mean?”

“Like, he’s always said what a good friend you are and how he’s so glad you two were able to get along while he was dating me. He has a certain affection for you. Nothing romantic at the time, but …”

She didn’t sound at all angry, which was confusing you. “June, you know I’d never do that to you.”

“If last night meant nothing, it meant nothing. If there was something there … I would never ask you to throw that away.”

“What are you talking about?” you yelled, pushing off the counter. “Friends don’t date their friends’ exes!” You could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

“This isn’t high school.”

“Still, it’s weird.”

“All I’m saying is that you haven’t been with anyone since Sungbin and I know it’s not because that break up hit you hard.”

“I don’t get why you’re being like this,” you muttered.

She sighed and took her time lining up the right words for her response. “Maybe you’ll make him happy. I know he’d make you happy.”

Before you could argue that she had made Jiyong happy, she hung up. You pulled the phone away from your ear and held it in the palm of your hand, staring at the black screen. You didn’t care what she said. You weren’t going to go there.

You didn’t talk to Jiyong much in the next few days, except to ask if he was all right. He apologised again for what he did, saying it was a mistake, and you both agreed you would just leave it in the past, though things still became a little awkward and conversation remained jilted until it stopped altogether. Any time you wanted to check up on him, you would ask either his sister or one of the Big Bang members, which suited you just fine; he clearly needed some space to air out his grievances. Sometimes, the boys would mention that he had asked about you too. If they knew why you weren’t speaking to each other directly, they never showed it and they were smart enough not to ask.

Work had allowed you to befriend other designers and models in Korea whom you could spend your free time with so you filled your calendar with fancy dinners and trips to the mall when you weren’t taking your colleagues out for drinks and attending networking events. As more and more people wore your clothes, you became somewhat of a celebrity in your own right, which was a weird thought you tried not to dwell on.

Ichika was the first to tell you when the story broke, linking you to an article that had compiled a lot of circumstantial evidence of you and Jiyong dating. Of course, the kiss was front and centre, but there were also photos of you and Jiyong in Tokyo, you and Jiyong with his sister, Jiyong and the other Big Bang boys wearing Konchu, screenshots of their private social media accounts liking and commenting on your posts. Because you had pushed Jiyong away that night, people wondered whether you had been fighting, maybe even breaking up. You got messages from possessive fans, which you would skim out of curiosity and then delete. You considered setting all your accounts to private but the messages didn’t bother you enough for you to go that far. They could think whatever they wanted to think and do whatever they wanted to do in their free time. It wasn’t your business. Seunghyun, whom you almost never saw unless there was a new exhibition at the art gallery that interested him, even called you up to ask if it was true. You only felt bad that his personal account had been discovered. You tried to apologise to all the boys but they were more worried about you and suggested you hire a security guard to watch the Konchu store just in case. You did notice a lot more people come in but nothing drastic happened and, soon, things returned to normal, the rumours left unaddressed. 

The next time you actually saw Jiyong was at Youngbae’s engagement party. It was a small affair—you were honoured you were even invited—but you were one of the few people who had come to know Youngbae and Eunran separately, having dressed Eunran for a meet-and-greet without knowing she was dating Youngbae at the time. Once you both discovered you had mutual friends, it was easy to become friends of your own.

The couple had booked out the top floor of a restaurant for dinner. A few other YG artists were there, as well as some producers and a backup dancer or two, and other mutual friends, mostly actors, along with the couple’s families. You felt a little out of place when you arrived, which was why, for a split second, you were relieved to find Jiyong in the corner with Seunghyun and Daesung before you remembered yourself. He looked up just as Eunran came over to greet you.

“I’m so glad you came,” she said, hugging you.

“Thank you so much for inviting me!”

The two of you talked for a bit, Youngbae joining in halfway, before they both left to continue mingling. You grabbed a drink from one of the waiters and scanned the room.

“Looking for me?”

You turned around and snorted as Daesung pulled you into a hug. “You flatter yourself.”

“Oh, I know, you were looking for your boyfriend.”

“Yes, where is he exactly?”

Daesung nodded to where Jiyong and Seunghyun were chatting to an extremely handsome actor. Jiyong caught your eye. Before either of you could look away, you grinned at him. He seemed surprised at first before melting into a smile and excusing himself so he could make his way over to you. You threw your arms around him as soon as he was close enough. “Hey, stranger!”

He laughed softly into your ear. “Hey.”

“I’ve really missed you.”

“You never texted.”

“ _You_ never texted.”

Talking to him again made you feel so light. You broke apart when Youngbae and Eunran asked everyone to find a seat. Jiyong kept you close, fitting you into the space between him and Seunghyun. Seungri arrived just as the food was brought out and you rolled your eyes when he made a big show of sheepishly sneaking towards your table. Typical.

You managed to meet some of Eunran’s other friends who talked to you about Konchu before the night was over. Seungri suggested that the few of you who were still in the mood to do something should go to a karaoke bar. For once, you agreed with him.

“Did you drive here?” Jiyong asked as you all filed out of the restaurant.

“Yeah. I’ll meet you at the bar?”

He smiled and nodded, touching your elbow as you headed off in opposite directions. It took you a while to find a spot to park in so you were the last one to show up. It was only Big Bang, you and Eunran. Seungri and Daesung were at the machine, fighting over what songs to queue, and Youngbae was trying to order drinks over the noise they were making. You squeezed past Jiyong’s legs so you could sit between him and Eunran and put in an order for some water.

Daesung started off the night with a classic trot song and Seungri followed with some over the top dance number. When it was your turn, you decided to serenade Eunran with all of Taeyang’s old solo singles, stroking her face during the romantic lines while she and Youngbae laughed and giving Jiyong the mic when his rap came up. You all forced Seunghyun to do a girl group hit but then took pity on him and joined in, doing the moves you could remember. At the end of the night, when Eunran and Youngbae were flushed from the alcohol, Seungri goaded her into giving her fiancé a lap dance. You were shocked when she complied but you ended up wolf-whistling through the whole thing.

Your session came to an end and you all ushered out of the room with lingering laughter. You and Seunghyun sent the happy couple off in their car and Daesung gave the other members a lift home, leaving you and Jiyong alone on the sidewalk. 

“Where did you park?” you asked him. He jabbed a thumb over his shoulder. “Well—”

“Can I walk you to your car?”

You blinked. “Um, sure.”

The two of you made your way down the street. Most of the cars had left by now so, even though you had parked quite far away, you could see your car waiting for you underneath a streetlight. You didn’t say anything—you didn’t know what to say—and neither did he but at least the silence wasn’t awkward like you feared. You could almost forget what happened the last time you were alone with him on a quiet street in the middle of the night.

“It wasn’t a mistake.”

You stopped searching for your car keys. “What?”

“Kissing you wasn’t a mistake to me.”

“Jiyong—”

“Do you think it was a mistake?”

You opened your mouth but words wouldn’t come out. Jiyong put a hand on your wrist to stop you from opening your car door and turned you to face him. “Do you?” he asked.

“Yes,” you said. “You were drunk out of your mind. You didn’t know what you were doing.”

“I did!”

You both reeled from the way it seemed to echo on the empty road. Jiyong’s shoulders sank and he looked down, pushing back his hair with a frustrated sigh. He was about to speak when you interrupted him. “I can’t do this with you, Jiyong.”

“Why not?”

“You dated my best friend!”

“Is that the only reason?”

You turned towards your car. “Goodnight, Ji,” you whispered. It surprised you how hard it was to get in without looking back at him.

You were prepared to give Jiyong more space again but he didn’t let you. He texted you everyday and called you even when he was busy. However, instead of pretending nothing had happened, he continued to throw in a comment that made your heart skip a beat. It was as if, now that the secret was out, the floodgates had completely opened. You had been in flirty friendships before, but those had only been fun because you knew you would end up together eventually. It was different with Jiyong.

Now that Youngbae was busy planning his wedding, you had inadvertently become his replacement. Seungri took to dragging you out to new clubs—Jiyong would follow just to see who you ended up dancing with—and Seunghyun invited you to what used to be his Big Bang-only soirées, which always seemed unnecessarily intimate with his dim lighting and candles and decadent desserts. By the time you arrived for tonight’s shindig, they were already in the middle of a game of cards and their second wine bottle.

“The bottles are numbered,” Daesung told you as you sat beside him on the floor and watched the game over his shoulder.

You raised a brow. “Why?”

“The sommelier said they needed to be tasted in a specific order,” Seunghyun insisted.

“How many are there?”

“Twelve.”

You closed your eyes. Jiyong snorted.

Once their current game ended, they dealt you in and you spent the next hour trying to break Seunghyun’s poker face. You had no hope for yourself. Jiyong seemed to know all your ticks, calling your bluffs without mercy. You tried to get them to switch to something like charades but then they just started teasing you for being so sweet and innocent. Halfway through the night, Seungri left to meet some of his other friends at a club opening. He invited you all but no one else was in the mood to be in a room full of sweaty bodies.

“Don’t drink too much please!” you called after him.

“Fine, fine.” He waved as he closed the door behind him.

“Aw,” Daesung said, “has he finally grown on you?”

“Maybe, maybe not.” You grabbed your glass and jumped to your feet. “Anyone else want some water?”

“I’ll get it for you,” Jiyong said, standing. He made a grab for your glass but you held it out of reach.

“I can get it myself, you know.”

Daesung and Seunghyun shared a look. You didn’t bother waiting for a reply, continuing to the kitchen. Jiyong trailed after. You rinsed your glass in the sink and waited until you could hear the other two begin to talk before you spoke. “Are you always going to be like this?”

“I spoke to Junko. She doesn’t seem to mind.”

You flipped around, coming nose-to-nose with him. “You talked to her?”

“I’m not allowed to?”

“You don’t get it, do you? It doesn’t matter what she says. I’m the one who doesn’t think this is a good idea. Me.”

“Tell me why.”

Again, the words wouldn’t come out. You looked away as he inched closer, planting his feet between yours. His hands came up to rest on the bench on either side of you and, though you pressed against it as hard as you could, all you could smell was his soft, woodsy cologne.

“Tell me,” he whispered and you could feel it on your lips.

“You’ll always be her ex,” you mumbled. “It’ll always be there, behind everything.”

He pushed your chin up until you were looking him in the eye. “She doesn’t have me anymore. You do.”

You pulled away before he could kiss you. “But she still had you once,” you muttered, squeezing out of his arms.

“If you tell me to stop, I will,” he said. You left the kitchen without replying.

Jiyong didn’t bring Junko up again so you learned to tolerate everything else. You had, after all, seen it all before. He opened doors for you, walked you to your car, tucked in your clothing tags if you had gotten dressed in a hurry. You trained yourself not to bat an eye, though your heart still raced. There were, however, things that were new—soft glances out of the corner of his eye when he thought you weren’t paying attention, his dorky laughter when you and Daesung imitated gags from comedy shows—things that made it hard for you to control yourself. The dating rumours came back, flourishing now that Jiyong knew you didn’t care about how you two looked to the photographers or fans. None of the other boys seemed to want to do anything about it either. The change in your dynamic with Jiyong had just become sort of a running joke within the group.

Youngbae and Eunran’s wedding arrived at the height of winter. Both the ceremony and reception were being held outside the city and, with warnings of heavy snow, you didn’t want to make the drive by yourself. You knew there would be fans and journalists perched outside the venue awaiting everyone’s arrival so you considered carpooling with one of Eunran’s friends so that you were nowhere near Big Bang—but then you realised you were letting other people, people you didn’t even know, dictate your decisions. Instead, you let Jiyong arrange for his manager to pick you up.

Only close friends and family had been invited to the ceremony. It was held in a church near Youngbae’s hometown that he had attended for years. You weren’t ashamed to say that you teared up multiple times but it was, surprisingly, Seungri who cried the most. You vowed to never let him forget it.

The reception was beautiful, everything draped in greenery and multitudes of white flowers. Behind lace drapes, the walls projected live animations of forests. It really did look like something out of a fairytale. Dinner, all five courses, came and went. Daesung made a hilarious host and most of the guests who were musicians had prepared congratulatory songs that took up the first portion of the night before Youngbae and Eunran commenced their first dance as a couple. You laughed as Youngbae literally danced circles around Eunran. They looked so happy and, as you looked around, so did everyone else.

Beside you, Jiyong sniffed. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at his eyes. If he was like this when not even the groom was crying, you could only imagine what he’d be like during his own wedding. Without thinking, you slipped your hand into his. He froze and glanced down at you and, realising your mistake, you tried to let go but he squeezed your hand tighter to stop you. _His_ mistake because it only made it easier for you to drag him out to the dance floor when it opened for everyone else. You dragged Seungri out too but he didn’t need much persuading. The three of you danced for a few songs, you and Seungri busting out all the moves while Jiyong pretended not to know you. Seunghyun refused to join you at first so you waited until he had another glass of champagne, then he was essentially pole dancing on you while Seungri filmed it and Daesung wheezed with laughter in the background. Youngbae slinked in when the DJ started playing Big Bang songs, allowing you to take a break. As you clapped on the sidelines, someone tapped you on the shoulder.

“Binnie!” you cheered, tackling him in a hug. He laughed as he caught you. “How are you?”

“Good.” He sounded so genuine and affectionate; you were lucky to have left him on such good terms. “And you’re clearly doing well.” The two of you looked back at the rowdy crowd egging Youngbae and Jiyong on to lip sync one of their singles.

“Did you ever think it would end up like this?” you mused. It still escaped you sometimes, how you managed to become so close to Junko’s boyfriend that you stayed friends with him after they broke up. You got to know each of the boys and were pulled into their orbit. Now you were friends with Youngbae’s wife and embarrassing yourself at the wedding they had so lovingly invited you to.

“Kind of,” Sungbin said. “You and Ji always had this air about you. Chemistry.”

You blinked up at him. “What?”

He blinked back. “You’re together now, right?”

“No! No. No way.”

“I saw you holding his hand earlier.”

“He was crying; I panicked.”

The two of you were shouting in each other’s ear with how loud the music was.

“Seriously?” Bin rolled his eyes. “When are you gonna ask him out?”

“Never?”

“You obviously like him.”

“He’s my best friend’s ex.”

“You don’t deny you have feelings for him though.”

“Did you come over here just to nag me?”

He softened. “No. I came over here to tell you that you look happy and I’m glad.” He cupped your shoulder and leaned down to press a kiss to your cheek, whispering, “Whoever’s responsible, don’t let them slip through your fingers.” You watched him weave into the crowd and disappear.

Daesung eventually found you and pulled you back onto the dance floor. One of their newer songs was playing. He and Seungri sandwiched you like seductive backup dancers while you mimed to TOP’s rap booming through the speakers. Eunran shook her head, no doubt relieved that you weren’t going to try serenading her again. Youngbae had done enough of that. Other guests flitted in and out of your group to laugh and mingle, but everyone seemed to disappear when a slower song came on.

Panting slightly, you stopped to fix your hair. “Well, I guess that’s it then,” you said to Jiyong, the only one left. “Should we go get a drink?”

“No.” He snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you against his chest. Your hands flew up to his shoulders to steady yourself. “What were you and Sungbin talking about?” This was new, too. Jealousy. Although he hid it rather well.

“You,” you said. There was no point trying to hide it. “Seems like everyone wants us to be together.”

“Then why aren’t we?” he murmured.

You rested your cheek on his shoulder so you didn’t have to look him in the eye. You were glad you weren’t the only ones who had stayed to dance. Youngbae and Eunran were swaying together and other couples dotted the floor, all looking lost in each other. “I’m scared,” you whispered. “We’re so good like this, the way we are now. What if we’re not the same?”

“What if we’re better?”

You sighed, flicking his dangling earring. “Why must you try so hard?”

You felt him shrug. “I don’t think I can let you go.”

“Stop it. I can’t think properly when you say stuff like that.”

You held your breath when he pulled back to stroke a knuckle down your cheek. “For someone so honest,” he said, “you should stop lying to yourself.”

The dancing came to an end so that the cake could be served. Youngbae and Eunran shared the first slice, feeding each other, and you and Daesung couldn’t help but imitate them for a photo Seunghyun took. You did your best to ignore Jiyong’s eyes on you for the rest of the night.

Youngbae and Eunran had said they weren’t going on a honeymoon but they had actually cleared a week in their schedules starting tomorrow afternoon for some alone time in Jeju. While they had their own room booked at the hotel for tonight, you and the boys had all chipped in to get the penthouse suite so you could spend one last night together before everyone inevitably became too busy.

You were relieved you didn’t have to ride the elevator up alone with Jiyong. You probably would have snapped. The suite was out of this world. It was dark outside but you could see the lights of a small, private pool out on the balcony through the floor-to-ceiling windows. Seunghyun and Seungri quickly ran to call dibs on their rooms, since there were only three, and Daesung resigned to sleeping on the couch, which didn’t seem all too unpleasant considering how huge it was. “You guys can take the last room,” he said, already getting comfortable between the cushions.

“I’ll just take the other couch,” you said.

“No, I can’t sleep when there’s someone else in the room.”

You pulled a face. “How will you survive marriage?”

His hand shot up to wave you and Jiyong away. “Leave me,” he said airily. You chucked a pillow at his face, revelling in his yelp of protest as you followed Jiyong into the third bedroom. The two of you put your things away on opposite sides of the room, then looked at each other.

“You’re not gonna make this weird, are you?” Jiyong said.

Your jaw dropped. “Me?” You narrowed your eyes and pounced on him but he side-stepped and dashed out of the room. Giving chase, the two of you giggled and ran around the suite, using the other members as shields until they all told you to shut up and go to sleep. Still, you two tussled while brushing your teeth, elbowing each other for sink space and pulling funny faces so the other would spit toothpaste all over the mirror. When you finally got into bed, you were exhausted and out of breath and about to fall asleep but there was something you needed to get off your chest first.

“Jiyong,” you whispered into the dark.

“Yeah?”

“Are you awake?”

“No.”

Blindly, you reached out to hit him. He caught your wrist and intertwined your fingers. “What’s up?”

“You were right,” you said.

“About?”

You tried to look at him but your eyes hadn’t adjusted to the lack of light yet. “You know what I’m talking about.”

He stayed silent for a while, then said, “Tell me again in the morning.”

Seungri woke you up by flopping on top of you.

“What the—” You tried to push him off but he was too heavy and, when you rolled over, he just rolled with you. “What time is it?” you moaned.

“Four. We all agreed we’d watch the sunrise together, remember?”

Jiyong’s spot next to you was empty. You shot up, Seungri finally getting off you. “Wait. Is Daesung awake yet?”

“No. Why?”

“I have an idea.” You jumped out of bed and grabbed the complimentary pen off your nightstand before racing to the living room, where Seunghyun was hovering over a sleeping Daesung. “Wait!” you hissed, scrambling up to them. You dropped to your knees and uncapped the pen. In a few seconds, Daesung has nose hair sprouting out of his left nostril. Seunghyun gave him a black eye and Seungri wrote the word ‘loser’ on his forehead.

“What are you doing?” Jiyong said, emerging with a bowl of cereal. The three of you shushed him.

“Okay, now help me throw him in the pool,” you said.

“Come again?” Jiyong said.

There was a knock on the door—probably Youngbae and Eunran—but you didn’t have time to say hi. You grabbed Daesung’s legs while Seungri picked him up by the arms and Seunghyun rushed to slide open the door to the pool. 

“What’s happening?” Daesung yelled, waking up.

“Good morning!” You flung him into the water.

He glared at you when he resurfaced. “You’re dead.”

You were too busy high-fiving Youngbae to notice the hand around your ankle until the world spun off its axis and you were swallowing chlorine. Once you found your footing, you dunked Daesung’s head and then swam over to pull Eunran in as well. She shrieked as she met the pool with a splat. Before you knew it, everyone was splashing each other. Youngbae lifted his wife onto his shoulders and challenged you all to a game of chicken, which you and Seungri accepted. You insisted on being on the bottom though. Jiyong laughed as he watched Seungri climb on top of you and earn a slap when he accidentally tugged your hair. Coming out the winners, you were about to take on Seunghyun and Daesung when Jiyong yelled, “Everyone, shut up! The sun’s rising.”

Everyone rushed to the edge of the pool to watch. Red flames peeked out behind the skyscrapers, licking up into the sky as orange and yellow streamers that dissolved into the pale blue remnants of dawn. You glanced at Youngbae as he pulled Eunran into his side. Her black eyes reflected the sun as she smiled up at him before tucking her head under his chin. You wondered where life would take them now, what was in stall for them. How did they know they would always feel the same way in fifty years? What would they do if they didn’t?

Jiyong pressed close beside you, a welcomed warmth even in the heated pool. His wet hair was slicked back and his earrings winked at you as they caught the light. You could see him watching you out of the corner of his eye. You wanted to hold his hand under the water but you were afraid even the slightest movement would shatter the spell that seemed to hold everyone.

When the sun was squarely in the sky, you all broke off to change out of your soggy pyjamas and have breakfast together before Youngbae and Eunran’s flight. While the boys teased Youngbae as they said goodbye, Eunran pulled you aside. She gently pinched your cheek. “You would be good for each other.” You opened your mouth but couldn’t say anything. She drew you into a hug. “Life’s too short not to go after what you want. I’ll see you when I get back.”

You flew back to Japan that weekend without telling anyone. You caught a taxi from the airport to your old apartment building. As you passed the door of what was once your apartment, you could faintly hear Ichika’s laughter. You smiled to yourself but she wasn’t the sister you had come to see. You knocked on Junko’s door.

She actually gasped when she saw you, hauling you into the tightest hug. “What are you doing here?” she said, refusing to let go. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I would have picked you up.”

You buried your face into her shoulder and sighed. “I just really need my best friend right now.”

“Come inside. What’s wrong?” She took your duffel bag from you and ushered you into her apartment. The familiar scent of that salted caramel candle she liked so much was burning in the air and the heater bit at the cold spots on your face. You watched her move into the kitchen and bring out a tin of hot chocolate mix.

You squeezed your eyes shut. “I have feelings for Jiyong.”

When she didn’t say anything, you peeked one eye open and found her smiling at you tenderly. “I know, silly. Please don’t tell me you flew all this way just to tell me that.”

“Well, I missed you.”

She grinned. “And?”

You bit your lip. She gave you an expectant look as she poured hot milk into two mugs. “And I’m confused!” You flopped down onto the couch, still in your puffy jacket. “I don’t know why I’m being like this. Why is it so hard this time?”

“Maybe it’s because you’re scared he might be the one,” she said, stroking your hair as she brought over the drinks, “and that, for once in your life, someone has the power to break your heart.”

The Tokyo skyline twinkled out the window. You watched your dark reflection while using the mug to warm your hands. “How is this not weird for you?”

“We were different people by the end.” She put her hand over yours. “I don’t regret any of it but I’m happy with where I am now and who I am; I don’t think about those times. I don’t need to.”

You stayed with Junko a few more days just to organise your thoughts. You didn’t talk about Jiyong much after that but hearing about all the new opportunities in her life helped to clear your head. She stayed home with you to watch movies and order takeout and spend the whole afternoon in your pyjamas. On your last night, you were supposed to go out for dinner with her and Ichika. However, they both pulled out at the last minute and, instead, you received a text from Jiyong.

‘Meet me at the izakaya.’

Flakes of snow sparkled in his hair as he waited for you by the entrance, his hands in his pockets, his breath foggy. It was so late. Men shouting punctuated the air every now and then but this particular alley was dead silent. It always was on a weeknight. The bars still had patrons but they mostly kept to themselves and there were a lot of late night coffee shops around that people visited alone to read.

Jiyong looked up when he heard your footsteps crunch in the snow.

“What are you doing here?” you breathed, though you had a feeling Junko had something to do with it.

He pushed off the wall and met you halfway. “You disappeared without saying anything. I was worried.” His tone was clipped.

You looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“If there’s really nothing here, say it to my face. Don’t flee the fucking country.”

“I …”

He gripped your arms, forcing you to meet his gaze. “Do you feel _anything_ for me?”

Taken aback by how angry and desperate he sounded, you took a long time formulating a response, so much so that Jiyong rolled his eyes and released you with a huff, walking away. You sprung into motion before he could get very far and snatched the back of his jacket. He stopped but he didn’t turn around.

“You were right,” you said, “I was a coward. I knew how I felt; I just didn’t want to admit it.” You stepped closer, coming around so you were in front of him. “You’re so good to me. You make me feel like I’m on top of the world, but that’s a hell of a long way to fall. If we’re wrong … it might ruin me.”

Jiyong placed a hand on the back of your head before pressing you against the wall. His mouth slanted onto yours. His eyebrows were pulled together and his nose was shockingly cold at your cheek but you melted into him, cupping his jaw. All you could smell was that same woodsy smell. Your eyes fluttered shut as you pushed back.

When Jiyong broke away, he was panting softly. “There is no right or wrong,” he said, brushing a hand through your hair. “There’s just you and me.” He kissed you again, then seemed to realise where you were. “Should we go inside?”

“Yeah,” you laughed, “I’m freezing.” You held his hand as you both entered. Mari and Ryo took a moment to recognise you, what with all the layers you had on, but you heard them holler about how long it had been once you shed your scarf and coat. “Guys,” you greeted, grinning. “You remember Ji, my boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


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